What is Your Path of Contribution?

The potential of Circles as spaces for collective care and sacred activism in these times.

November is a weird month for me.

It's my Birthday month (reached level 49 a couple of weeks ago), it is also the anniversary of a fatal car accident that I was in when I was 18, of our relocation from Western Australia back to the UK (5-years this year), and now it is also the month I got my new hip!

It’s a month that forces me through the full spectrum of emotions; from anticipation and dread, to celebration and joy, to grief and shame, to gratitude and hope. I experience these in no reliable order; each one takes hold when it does, and I can accept it or fight it.

I wonder if November is the reason why I’m so dedicated to continually deepening my capacity to hold space for myself which (as I teach in PRESENCE) includes recognising when to seek support. And this year I have been so beautifully supported by Kate Codrington, Menopause Doula and author of Second Spring, alongside the wonderful folk in The Grove who I gather with each week.

I am now 2-weeks post hip-replacement; the wound is healing well, I am up to 20-reps for my exercises and I’m pretty nifty on my crutches for my daily walk around the block. The dream of being pain free and fully mobile striding across Dartmoor and clambering up a Tor or two is tantalisingly close. And I’ve pencilled in ice-skating with River (which was incredibly challenging and possibly dangerous this year!).

But first, slow and gentle recovery is the stage I am in.

It's interesting to navigate post-surgery pain which is so very different to the constant pain I was in pre-surgery. This pain still requires tending (and pain killers!) but it improves each day. Rather than steeling myself for how the pain will manifest, each day it is less intense, and I can feel my body knitting itself back together as this new hip takes up residence inside me.

Having been born with hip dysplasia, then living with ever worsening osteoarthritis for many years, I am so grateful that this surgery exists and that I am able to benefit from it.

One of my practices for November each year, whilst I stay present with the multitudes of my emotional state, is to lean into the questions that have in many ways haunted my adult life:

What is the meaning of life?

How can I live a meaningful life?

What do I want my life to mean?

Although I’ve been exploring these questions for the best part of 30-years, I’ve never really been able to satisfy my my heart’s yearning for an answer. When you question your right to a life, it can be so very hard to recognise what would give that life a legitimate meaning.

I think it must be an alchemical mix of menopause, surgery and this point in the world’s story, that I find I am closer to my answer than ever before.

I was recently introduced to the work of Margaret Wheatley via Sarah Wilson’s interview with her for her Podcast, Wild. (I am paid subscriber to Sarah’s Substack This is Precious and you might like to explore her writing, podcast and books; her book, First We Make the Beast Beautiful helped me transform my relationship with anxiety, and her podcast interviews and writing help me to be braver in my life).

The episode with Margaret Wheatley comes with a warning that it is truly confronting, and I put off listening until after my hip replacement! I will share my experience since listening in, but I lovingly ask you to use your discernment as to whether or not you wish to listen.

In their conversation Sarah and Margaret explore the collapse of civilisations through history and where our civilisation is heading. I began listening whilst doing the mundane task of the dishes, and quickly realised that I needed to sit down and really listen! I wrote several pages of notes, and most helpfully for me, captured all the questions that Margaret offered which both reflected and expanded upon my own inner-enquiries.

I have downloaded her book, Who Do We Choose to Be? Facing Reality. Claiming Leadership. Restoring Sanity. It is a book intentionally designed to be read slowly and contemplatively and that is what I intend to do.

In the opening she introduces the idea of “our path of contribution” and I am truly relishing this concept. I have been sitting with these words for the last few days: 

We must encounter the truth of this world and let it change us. We must become familiar with despair and depression, not as a destination but as recurring emotions on our journey. And we must never lose sight of our true destination, discovering our path of contribution.

As someone who is indeed familiar with despair and depression, I found comfort in honouring these as recurring emotions that I journey with but they are not my destination. Although of course the idea of making a contribution is not new to me, there is a nuance and deeper essence in our “path of contribution” which is.

This world is chaotic and devastating and violent, and beautiful and awe-inspiring and full of love. Although we can study history (written by others) we can only live through our time in the place that we are. And these times are marked by social and environmental injustice, collective grief, and ancestral trauma.

There are various elements for discovering our path of contribution in these times, but at its’ simplest perhaps, it is recognising what is needed in your community and asking if you are the one to contribute to that need.

Circles provide spaces of sanctuary in which we can meet and tend to each other, and explore our call to rebel against internalised and external expectations and systems that cause harm, supporting the personal and collective work of sacred activism.

As I witness the need for rest, connection, safety, support, care, liberation, ceremony and community, I know that Circles offer spaces that can contribute to these needs, and that we need more people dedicated to the art, craft and skill of holding Circles.

Through my ongoing commitment to studying, (un)learning, experimenting with, exploring, expanding on, and deepening into the principles, architecture and practice of sharing Circles, I have developed my own Circle theory and process that continues to (r)evolve.

My approach has multiple threads and is more than space holding or facilitation - it is a testament to the potential of Circles as spaces for collective care and sacred activism in these times.

Circles are my practice, my contribution to this chapter in the story of the communities I’m part of, and how I contribute to my family’s financial needs whilst we still need to participate in the current economic system (my landlord is not waiving our rent!).

Amidst all that is happening around the world, in Israel, Palestine, Sudan, The Congo, Iran, Ukraine, Afghanistan, the unraveling climate crisis, late-stage capitalism, the ongoing cost of living rises and a dysfunctional parliament here in the UK, maybe deepening our dedication to our work is what is called for.

I often refer back to The Millionth Circle: How to Change Ourselves and The World by Jean Shinoda Bolen, and one quote from that book that I share is:

Once the principles are understood, the significance of women's circles can be appreciated as a revolutionary-evolutionary movement that is hidden in plain sight.

It is my experience that this is true for Sharing Circles in many different contexts, and was the inspiration for my use of the word (r)evolutionary when I talk about Circles.

My path is to continue to fan the flames of this (r)evolutionary movement and to support your Circle Holding journey by creating and curating the spaces, resources and networks that you need for your Circles to flourish.

With you in Circle in these wild times

What’s happening in Circle School

1. The Courses Bundle is currently on sale. If you use the coupon code: blessings23 you get an additional 20% discount when you enrol in all my courses (which includes access to our private FB group). And you can pay in instalments of £30 per month for 12-months).

2. The Grove, is a nurturing on-line membership for Circle Holders looking for

   support, guidance & community, where we dare to flourish in Circles and business together. You can join us at any time.

3. If you’re looking to grow your community and fill your circles without compromising your values, exhausting yourself or pretending to be someone you're not, Fully Booked is for you. This self-led video course with a detailed workbook and helpful extras is included in the Bundle or you can enrol for £47.

4. If you’re local to me and are a

   mother to sons, my Mother & Son Circles start again in January. You can sign up here for further details.