Book Club. Week Four: Maeve as Toxin
“Stranger in a Strange Land”
Guest Post by
as we continue our journey through Celtic Queen Maeve and Addiction by Sylvia Brinton Perera.
“Humans with addictive behaviours are often trying with some desperately seized comfort to medicate extreme sensitivity to cover despair and the painful gaps in their nurturance”
Week Four and here’s what I really want to tell you. I was adopted at six weeks old. The experience gave me complex PTSD and damaged my brain insofar as being able to make connections. I am forever after, an edge-walker, a wolf that prowls the outside of the pack, taking in the higher ground.
My brief unhappy childhood was lonely and characterised by unfulfilled longing. I was sad for a deeper connection but could not articulate what that was. I ached for it physically, but nothing came. Over time, I learned to fill that gap with sweet sugary food. When I ate warm ginger biscuits, fairy cakes or stolen hunks of bread and jam, I felt better – and in this “symbiotic merger”, I felt whole (for a tiny moment) and I felt connected to something bigger than myself. I felt at home, and I bonded deeply with this experience.
And of course, over time, I could not stop. Even when the weight began to pile on, I could not stop. I did not know how else to self-soothe. I did not know how to express myself or how to describe and make sense of otherworldly experiences nor the bigger sense of Self that pervaded my entire experience. All I knew was that I did not belong here and that there was something above and beyond that, which I knew but also did not know. How could I?
Unlike the Celts, in my tiny life, there were no initiatory rites, no nurturing communities or communal sacred spaces for ritual and learning. There was no being held for as long as necessary, communion with nature was not accepted and yet, Perera writes “the polymorphous experiences of the body and its ecstasies which we know from childhood, are part of Maeve’s rites.” We need them.
The church did not offer respite: a place where dogma replaced the geographical and the spiritual for which my soul longed. I was not seen. I had no voice at home where both parents were absorbed in their own addiction. I was a homesick child without a home. A painful existence. Life was easier in the sugar.
For over forty years I was enslaved to Maeve – the leper Maeve - who punishes those who come to imbibe at her intoxicating self; ignoring the old ways, the ritual patterns sanctioning her sacred use.
This Chapter then explores Maeve as Toxin and what happens when we move counter to the old rituals that support and enhance those innate states of altered consciousness that bond us with traditional wisdom and self-esteem. We explore the concept of “misaligned caregivers”, seekers, abandonment, shame and addiction.
Quote:
” Without positive-enough connection to the individual identity and the guiding Self which develops in relation to the early caretakers on which ordinary self-esteem is based, the person prone to addiction continues to seek the solace of illusory power and care evoked by the leprous Maeve and the addiction.”
Provocations
“Few people are addiction free”
Perera asserts that most of us participate at some point and to some extent in
addictive behaviours “to survive the stresses of the modern world.” Do you agree?
Addiction is one disease with many different outlets including substance abuse and behaviour. Addiction to drugs and alcohol but also addiction to screens, people, eating as a process, shopping, debt – where might you see an addiction in your life?
“When in stress, we regress.”
When confronted by stressful situations, Perera suggests we often regress to old
addictive behaviours that have helped us avoid confronting painful reality. How have addictive behaviours helped soothe you through a stressful event? Explain.
“A manifestation of the Supernatural”
The Celts saw every part of life as manifestation of the supernatural. What do you
imagine this means?
Do you see every part of your life as manifestation of the supernatural? Why do you think we have lost access to the old ways of being?
“Misaligned caregivers”
Is it possible for one individual to meet all the needs of a child? Explain.
What does the concept of “Self” mean to you?
We would love to explore these themes with you in the comments or Chat:
Share your responses, experiences, thoughts, feelings, ideas and anything else that you feel called to
Offer any additional resources that you feel are relevant and helpful.
And we also know that these are big, juicy prompts that take time and reflection. We hope they spark your curiosity and willingness to play with them.
And please do reach out and connect with Kate. You will find her on Substack at
and head to her website Sugars Addictive.We look forward to continuing this conversation and exploration with you.
With you in Circle in (r)evolutionary times
Mitlé and Kate
